Living In the World, Not on It

Now... how scary is that? When did it become December? How did the last eleven just zip by? I must say that while there were some really good points and accomplishments and positive things that happened this year, there were some really huge, life-altering, megative events that shattered the comfortable, happy, blessed life that I had. And sure, there are people who have had a much worse year than I; but this was a really bad one for me. At the end of the last few years, I hear myself saying it will be a new year and it will be great. Everything will be different. Yes, I was right about one thing. Everything was certainly different. And not really in a good, happy, the lights are shining, everyone's smiling kind of way. I don't want to say that this New Year's Eve. In fact, I think I will ride on New Years Eve just to not think about these things! Regardless, I can't believe the year is careening to a close. Did I miss it? How'd pass by so quickly? I don't know....

I'm very tired. I'm not sleeping well. I'm depressed and unhappy. I'm not used to being this depressed and unhappy. It is not like me to be in funk - not a week-long funk. Ariel has been gone one week. I don't cry as much as I used to, but I still cry. At least once a day, sometimes twice. I find myself getting choked up for seemingly no reason. It's awful. I cry on the cat. I cry in my car. I cry in my office. The only saving grace to being me is that I'm easily distracted. People come to see me and I am thinking of the person and what they need. I don't tell too many people what happened. Once I got through Monday (people asking how my weekend was) it got a lot easier to deal with. No one asks about one's weekend on Tuesday. That is too long past. I'm not sure how that works but it does. I have poison ivy on my arm. It's just two or three little pustules that will eventually go away, but it is annoying while I have it. I can't for the l...

Last night was hell. Yesterday was a great day. I got a lot done at work, I felt good, albeit tired, and then I went out with a really good friend and had a really great time. We went to a store called ULTA, then over to Rockaway for a great dinner and then a bit of shopping at Yankee Candle Co and then hung out for a bit at her place. Around 2200 I can home. Luis was watching the telly. Chelsea was waiting to greet me and get fed at the top of the stairs. But there was no Ariel, and she is always the first one waiting for me. I called to her a couple of times... no answer. I had that bad feeling and I knew it must be time... she's been losing a lot of weight and getting weaker with her hip bones very prominent. But she was still walking and eating, and happy. Thursday night she'd gone to bed with me and yesterday morning I picked her up and put her in our bed as always, and left her purring and happy in the covers. I went into my office and heard a piteous sounding meow from u...

It's always easier to post on the day of the events, but sometimes that just isn't possible. Vacations definitely make that harder. I did log in a few times, but never was able to really collect my thoughts and put them down - it was late at night and I was too tired. The days were packed and we had a great time. Who wants to blog with all of that going on? We are back now, and that in itself was an adventure, but I am getting ahead of myself. Always better to begin with the first part. We got to the airport after a rocky start with the driver and traffic. The driver talked too much, which was a little annoying, and the traffic on Route 24 East at 1630 was hideous - normal rush hour traffic combined with a zillion people getting an early start to their long weekend. We would have sat in it but the driver knew what to do to get around the mess. We made it to the airport at 1715 and checked our bags in, did the security, and then got onto the Terminal C concourse. We had a bite t...

I'd been thinking about this since Saturday night, but of course I'm just posting about it now. While doing the standby at the Parsippany Carnival, I ran into an old friend. He's not old, about 35 or so, but one of the few people I've known since I was a teenager. That is something for me. I left school feeling very distanced from the others I went there with and did not feel nostalgic about being a kid. I still don't. Getting through school was torturous. It turns out that this person I met from hanging out with someone else in school, but he did not go to school with me. I think we met in a bowling alley... of course, this was about 25 years ago... so I could very easily be mistaken - my memory being what it isn't. Brian did not at all like me at first - he was very jealous that I was taking his friend Kip away. Kip was a misfit in school, as was I. But in my junoir year I met Holly, and we became friends. She introduced me to Kip, who introduced me to Andy an...

Can you believe it? It is mid-May and this is posting #200 - rather prolific, isn't it? This year I need not worry about managing to get to 365 - well, 366 - postings by 31 December. It seems as though there is always fresh fodder for blogging - home, work, riding, musings on life in general. Some people live on the world, I live in it. I would not have it any other way. Hold on, I need to change the DVD... Three days until our trip to Houston - talk about fodder for writing! This should provide a ton of material for me, for my mind, for this. And photos, of course. I'll take a zillion images. As always. I don't know what we will do there... but there is something I want to check. OK, no active Renassaince Faires at this time but check this out: Everything you've always wanted to know about Houston Houston, at approximately 596 square miles, is the fourth largest city in America. It is the largest city in Texas with a population approaching three million. County seat of...

Ray, my father, had his first of two hip surgeries on Monday, 5 May. I drove him to Hackensack Hospital at 0500, got there in time and he went in to surgery at 0720, or so. It took just under two hours for them to do the replacement! I could not believe it. It is staggering and amazing to me that such a huge surgery like that can only take a bit under two hours. They shaved the bone down, reshaped it and added a titanium part and a porcelain part, and got him all back together in that time. This is not a minor surgery. And yet, it seems too good to be true. The next day, the hospital staff had him up and walking around - ten feet out from the bed, ten feet back, sit in the chair for a bit and then back to bed. He was totally drained and exhausted after that, and he was happy to get back in bed. He was in some pain but at that time, he was on a morphine drip. (We have mostly found that my parents are not appropriately reactive to morphine. It works well with me, but not them.) The day a...

This morning was our first drill this year. I would say it was quite a success - we all worked on the different extrications, practiced with KEDding and rapid trauma takedowns, and in the process ripped to shreds an SUV that the Heavy Rescue guys got from the junk yard. The only downside was feeling a little out-of-sorts when I awoke, but I took an Allegra for allergies and ran across the street. I've been on plenty of these drills but they are valuable every time. They are educational, fun, work, everything you would want a drill to be. The first set up was a patient in the driver's side, ran into a (what did our Captain say? A water buffalo? I forget. Something outrageous like that). I got right in as I do on all of our Thursday night crew accidents and did head stabilization. I know that I can do that easily, without lifting strain and I know I'm good with patients. One of the Thursday night crew came up on the drivers side and one of the former Tuesday night crew came t...

of Baton Rouge! This one is my favourite!

Cyclone Nargis ( JTWC designation: 01B, also known as Very Severe Cyclonic Storm Nargis) was a strong tropical cyclone that made landfall in Burma (also known as Myanmar) on May 2 , 2008 , causing catastrophic destruction and at least 22,980 fatalities with a further 42,119 people still missing, and estimates on the final total of fatalities ranging up to 100,000. However, the Labutta Township alone was reported to have 80,000 dead and some have estimated the death toll may be well over 100,000, with the highest estimates reaching over 600,000. It is the deadliest named cyclone in the North Indian Ocean Basin, as well as the second deadliest named cyclone of all time, behind Typhoon Nina . Including unnamed storms, Nargis is the 8th deadliest cyclone of all time. Nargis was the first tropical cyclone to strike the country since Cyclone Mala made landfall in 2006 . The first named storm of the 2008 North Indian Ocean cyclone season , Nargis developed on April 27 in the central Ba...

I was up right when the alarm went off. I was showered, shaved, dried and happily ready to go to work right at 0542. I had a perfect drive in this morning, had a nice start to the day; and it just kept getting better and better! I did the Orientation in 45 minutes, half the time I normally Manage it. However, I fumbled and stumbled my way through it instead of being my usual confident self. A little awkward, but still good. And then I set up a new employee and finished the Wachovia stuff and well... the day just kept getting better! I cam home on my perfect day, picked up some needed groceries across the street, put them away, and then sat in my swinging chair in my newly painted, newly decorated sunroom to finish reading The Clan of the Cave Bear . I wanted to begin reading The Valley of the Horses also by Jean M. Auel, but found only books 3 and 4 - The Mammoth Hunters and The Plains of Passage . Those books are no where near as well written as the first two. Once the main characte...

I'm not entirely sold... I'm a little bit worried, but not unduly so, about Ray. I know that hip surgery is a very common procedure. I know that the hospital he is going to is one of the best around. I know they will make every effort. Any way you slice it, one of my best friends, and my father, is going in for major surgery. Harry is my father and I love him dearly. But Ray has been in my life for all of it, not just a part of my childhood and the last two years of my adult life. The relationship is different. It's deeper and we spend time together every weekend. We go out to eat together and we run our errands together. He is the only person who has ever gotten me to watch a televised sporting event. I hugged him today impulsively. I'll hug him again when I take him to Hackensack Hospital where I will be waiting for him get out of recovery and into his room. He can be a little flaky when he comes out of anethesia, so it may be weird; been there and done that. I must h...

The first part of the day was amazing in one sense, but the latter part of the day was the best in terms of personal fun. I love the city of Philadelphia and my favourite part - and I go there every time I visit - is the foutain in Logan's Circle. It is a really wonderful piece of artwork. It's actual name is Swann Memorial Fountain, and there is a lot of meaning to it. It represents the meeting of the three major rivers in Philadelphia: the Delaware, the Schuykill and the Wissahickon Rivers. The artist, Alexander Stirling Calder, designed the characters representing the rivers after Native American gods. The young girl leaning on her side against an agitated, water-spouting swan represents the Wissahickon Creek; the mature woman holding the neck of a swan stands for the Schuylkill River; and the male figure, reaching above his head to grasp his bow as a large pike sprays water over him, symbolizes the Delaware River. Sculpted frogs and turtles spout water toward the 50- foot (...

Yesterday was a really big day for me. A lot happened while nothing happened. It was huge. The whole reason to go to Philadelphia was to see Dr. Carsten Bonnemann, at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. He is a specialist in neuromuscular conditions, especially limb girdle muscular dystrophy. My aunt went there with her daughter and met with Dr. Bonnemann some time ago, maybe in the fall or summer of 2007. We finally made an appointment about mid-February for yesterday. We had an 0830 appointment and got there about seven minutes early (the traffic in Philadelphia is absolutely horrendous ). We filled out the paperwork, got Ma registered and waited in the room with a million kids. OK, not a million but way too many. You know me, no kids is perfect. One child is livable but not ideal. There were at least six or seven in there. I must say that they were more behaved than most. Maybe it is because they are there with neuromuscular issues from minor and not obvious to the patently...

The return trip home was a longer journey, both because we were over tired from walking around all over the place, and because leaving any place (especially a major city) at 1615 is a problem! The congestion in and around Philadelphia was staggering. Still, with only one ten-minute pitstop, and the first ten minutes of my mother whining incessantly about the usual things, we were underway and got to my house by 1930. That is a long old trip. Still, once my mother stopped complaining and moaning and popped in another movie, it was fine, Ray and I bonding some more on the drive back as the sun played hide-and-seek with the high cirrus clouds that presage bad weather. At least we can say that - we did indeed have truly perfect weather! Unfortunately, the gods of technology are displeased with me once again... my laptop battery died completely. I can't even get it working plugged in. My own home unit died sometimes a few months ago. So, until then, there are no photos, and it will be h...

Pictures will follow tonight or tomorrow. The dinner was phenominal! It really was delicious, and I am very, very happy that I splurged and went for the shrimp. The bed was torture, the room was FREEZING, and I turned, tossed and had a ton of weird dreams. Not what I had in mind for a good night's sleep. And my back... is killing me! This is the restaurant on the lobby level. The shot was taken outside of our room on the top (8th) floor.

We made it! The first five minutes were definitely the hardest - I thought I might have to kill my mother: "Where is this?" Why can't I hear that?" "Can you open this?" "Can you get me that?" "Is there anything to eat? I need to eat." Ye gods. I bet you didn't know anyone other than a 2-year-old could fit that many questions into a five minute time span. Once on the highway with the new navigator leading the way, she got into watching whatever movie she was watching (I think it was Steel Magnolias ) and Ray and I could talk - the whole 2+ hours - watching the traffic (thankfully there was none until 295 South), seeing other drivers, passing places that Ray worked as an electrician. We did stop once to get gas and thought that at $3.17 (low test) and $3.40 (high test) a gallon it was a steal - how sad is that. We got into Philly and low test gasoline was a whopping $3.50! Yowza! Good thing it's only a day trip (one night over in ...

The two rooms are complete, painted ceiling and walls. The room off the kitchen is no longer grey-blue, but a cheery pale yellow with a lovely flat, normal, white ceiling. The "sun room" is a beautiful happy and relaxed light blue, with that flawless white ceiling. Flawless. No more marks and obviously bad painting. The rooms look amazing. I spent all last night (into this morning) putting the rooms back into the right order and cleaning out everything. I have candles in every room, and they are all neat and clean. The furniture is all in new places but it looks great! The sun room is quite a bit bigger than I realised. The couch that was in it is huge and dwarfed that room. Now it is in here (the living room) and the smaller old couch from Tom is in the sun room with one sky chair and one light green chair from a "house sale". The wooden table along two smaller ones is also in there and no, it's not a tight squeeze. It looks great! I moved a couple of things do...

I realise that these are not the normal (let me rephrase that) mainstream Mormons - not that they aren't unusual enough. But these guys are just completely misguided and not a little bit into pedaphelia... Look at this article: "SAN ANGELO, Texas - A court hearing to decide the fates of hundreds of children seized from a polygamist retreat was off to a chaotic start Thursday as hundreds of lawyers in two different locations demanded to study the first piece of evidence before it could be introduced. State District Judge Barbara Walther called a recess 40 minutes after the hearing began in what could be the nation's largest child custody case. She wanted to allow the 350 lawyers spread out in two buildings to read the evidence and decide whether to object en masse or make individual objections. The hearing resumed about an hour later. The lawyers are representing the 416 children and dozens of parents from the Yearning For Zion ranch owned by the Fundamentalist Church of Je...

Tika and Ioan are finishing up the rooms. Tika is painting the last wall in the kitchen area and Ioan has Gustavo - whom he calls "Goosey" - putting up the blinds and pictures and they attempted to put up the shelves but the shelves did not work out as planned. They were made for my office at work and fit perfectly in there but here the walls either are square or they aren't... because one side of the shelf won't touch the wall! It's hard to know where the issue lies - the golf cub building is 70 years older than my house, so I am thinking my office isn't square, but I may be completely wrong! I need to go in there anyway, and make sure all the pictures are put up properly. And they'll move all the furniture back (which is good, since I moved all of it out of the rooms to begin with!