Strange Behaviours of Muscular Dystrophy

The disease manifests in funny ways.

For a long time I was afraid that I was becoming dependent on Ambien. This may still be the case, but it is not for what you think. As I learn more about the effects of muscular dystrophy, both from reading and from experiencing different scenarios, I'm finding more and more events and localised issues suddenly falling into place or at least becoming clear.

Not unlike my realisation that something more serious than just me turning into a monumental klutz...

When I was in my early 30s I began to do really stupid things, like tripping up the steps - yes, I like to defy gravity. In my current weight class, this is the only way I can defy gravity, ha, ha! (Don't do what people do and say, "Oh, stop it!" There is nothing wrong with laughing at or using wit to comment on my own weight. It would be objectionable if I were a little sylph and complaining that I was a moose... but in this case, I am a moose!) Anyway, I was trip over imaginary things, crashing into door jams, all kinds of stupid things. When I'm too tired (which happens faster to me than to most) I almost appear to be drunk. I never drink, so you can rule that out. But I still occasionally walk into things, grab at door handles and miss... stuff I try to hide.

Now, I find new things have suddenly gotten sorted out. The reason my brain is racing and my body isn't is this strange disease - things like my body aches and gets all cramped up from being unable to shut down. This is where the Ambien comes in - it allows my body to shut down in a normal sleep. It also allows me to shift and change positions, something I find uncomfortable when awake.

Here is the kicker. I'm under a little extra stress right now (no, you say, how can that be?!) with each parent in different hospitals. So the Ambien, true to its strange nature, has become ineffective. So a new issue has surfaced. I need to sleep - especially if I love my job, which I do - so I called my doctor's office and explained the issue and they gave me... what is it called... uh, hold on... Clonazepam. This is something I have learned to associate with my patients who are frequent fliers... clearly there is a use for these sorts of drugs for the not clinically depressed, which I'm ormally not, but rather the situationally stressed - which I am.

I'm not thrilled with it. I took it before bed, slept fitfully until I awoke - as in *BOING!* at 0111 this morning. I tried reading and around 0200 gave up and worked on the payroll until around 0430 and crashed - hard. I slept until 0802, got up and the payroll - I'm delighted to say - is complete! Still... I wonder if someone at Ceridian was scratching his or her head looking at the times I logged in throughout the night to get it done.

I wonder if there is another road to go down, but honestly, I am unwilling to try any more drugs. Yuck.

But it is an interesting ride. Learning about anything is interesting. I guess it would just be nice if I could get off the ride once in a while... you know, be normal.