First Topic: 40-Year-Old Virgins

Okay, who comes up with this stuff? Sadly, while I am a supreme snob and normally am found nose deep in a novel (no romance, thank you), my monthly Discover and National Geographic magazines, I also can be found, with the most common of shoppers, buying the weekly rag, People. I suppose it really is not a rag. Certainly it is much, much higher on the intelligent reading list than things like "Enquirer" and "Sun Times", which is nothing I would ever stoop to. I also disavow any knowledge of Luis on those rare but embarrassing occasions that he browses them at the check-out stand in the food store. But People is not that low. It is not terribly high, either. What can I say? We all have our little idiosyncrasies. Here is one of mine.

At any rate, since People never prints my letters and I am one who likes to bludgeon others with my opinions, here it is... Baby's First Blog, to do so. Let the fun begin.

I certainly don't have any objection to others who wish to be over-20 virgins. That is a personal choice, much like religion. And like religion, it is something that others should not prosthyletise... it should remain their own personal, private decision and we, as friends or acquaintances, should rejoice (so to speak like Spock) in our differences. Great. To me, that is an odd thing. Cutting sex out of one's life is much like cutting out pizza or alcohol or something vital entirely - sure, too much and handled irresponsibly, it can be unhealthy, but in appropriate doses (?) and safely done it is WONDERFUL. I, for one, don't plan to go without!

And so that would have been it and I would have continued reading until I read Ms. Stephanie Huffman's comment of, "If I'm preventing AIDS and STDs and emotional turmoil, how does that make me odd?"

And my answer is: it doesn't make you odd. I have been sexually active since the day before I turned 18, and guess what - I have not done anything to pass along AIDS, STDs, get pregnant (there was one mishap with medication at age 19; since then, no issues) and never had so much as a tear shed because of it. I love sex. It is normal, healthy and human to engage in it. And I am not a swing-from-the-chandeliers sort of weirdo when it comes to it. I give a lot of credit to those who engage in what I would characterise as deviant sexual behaviour, but it is not all for me.

As for the STDs and AIDS and anything else that is transmitted via exchange of fluids, well, there are plenty of methods for avoiding all of that and more -- including asking someone and having up front and honest conversations. True, the days of indiscriminate sexual one-night flings are over for anyone who has some maturity, half of a brain and the urge to live a long healthy life, but there are plenty of other sexual adventures awaiting one if you wish.

I have to thank my parents enromously for what I consider to be very healthy and logical (Spock, again... too much Star Trek reading of late... still, there are worse examples than that of Vulcans) attitude about sex:

1. Normal people have sex fairly often.

2. Normal people don't hide that fact. (This does not mean that I go out of my way to make it known, but my parents never hid this fact. I was never privy to what they did nor was I given visuals, but they made it clear that they were going into the bedroom to be alone together and did not mask the moans and bed noises that eminated.)

3. Kids are going to try this stuff - preparation is preferrable to saying "we will throw you out/disown you/hang you if you do this".

4. If you are careful and responsible, sex is great.

5. (This is the BIGGIE!) Sex and love have zero connection. One is perfectly capable of happening without the other.

What is not to love about parents who really teach one about the facts of life? True, the idea that sex and love go hand in hand sounds great, but it is an utter falacy - and men know this. Women are much too susceptible to this misguided thinking and fall into the age-old trap of "this must be love if he is sleeping with me!". Don't bet on it. "I love you" sounds great if it is done sincerely and gets you laid, but it is an over-used tool. If we were all on the same page, it would not be so effective.

Don't misunderstand me. My parents made it abundantly clear that sex without love is normal and fun, but sex with love is magical. It is what creates songs. It is the stuff of music. I don't read romance novels - why? Well, my life is very full in the relationship department. I have Luis, whom I love and I have really great sex with. I have friends whom I love without any sex and that is also great. Sure, there are people I want to have sex with but Luis would not be open to that.

Sex is like anything... or, more specifically (to sound Rhihannsu) it is like the Element of Fire. Handle fire carefully and with boundaries and it will warm and feed you. Play with fire and it will burn you.