Celebrity Apprentice 2009

I know, I know, how cheesy. We watch Celebrity Apprentice - how embarassing. On the other hand, if you gotta watch a reality show...

It's an interesting group. There's Joan Rivers, who has someone else's face; her daughter, Melissa Rivers, who is butt-ugly and openly takes credit for ideas that she did not have; a professional poker player, a former Playboy bunny, a model from Deal or No Deal, a reality telly star, a women's professional golfer (yay!) and an R&B singer. This is the women's team. So far they have kicked the asses of the men's team.

The men consist of Andrew Dice Clay (casualty number one, whom I don't miss; Scott Hamilton, who is wonderful but is not in his element as a team leader (casualty number two); Tom Green, who is a complete mental midget and while no one actually said it, showed up drunk to manage the last task... but I would almost guarantee that he is bipolar or just severely ADD. Casualty number three. I don't miss him. I've had the misfortune to see him a movie or two. He's awful.

I'm amazed beyond all imagining that Dennis Rodman is still on the team, but I am sure that this week will see him voted off the island. He needs to go.

The rest of the dwindling men's team is comprised of Clint Black, Brian McKnight, Hershel Walker and Jesse James (I think he is the husband of Sandra Bullock). They have been really beaten and abused by the women's team. But they really had some weak links.

And still do.

Dennis Rodman has never been attractive. There's nothing about him that is even slightly respectable. And now it is boldly underscored how completely useless he is. And then, of course, he may be a raging alcoholic. He joined this show to raise money for his favourite charity (I'm guessing he went through a Yellow Pages to find a charity, as I am sure he is unfamiliar with the basic concept) and doesn't make any effort and then in the last episode, he drank too much and did not show at all.

What blew my mind was two things: 1. Tom Green, that moron, was granted a second chance when Scott Hamilton was fired and blew it when he made lame excuses for Dennis' non-appearance and could have saved his ass by throwing that useless chump change under the bus; and b. no one called them both on drinking too much to be functional. True, Tom showed - but he wasn't hung over, he was still drunk! In my world, people get fired instantly for that! On the other hand, Dennis - who must be a seasoned drinker by now - no called/no showed!

Let's not discuss the man's face. When did it become okay to decorate your face with a nail gun?!

Well, I feel better, getting that off my chest.