Ar an Ard - Deireadh Mó Siúcra

That is Gaelic for "The Gift of Gourmet Sugar". I am the biggest sugar junkie you will ever meet. I don't drink alcohol, I don't inhale anything, I don't engage in the use of illegal drugs. The drugs I take legally, I dislike intensely. I don't eat fried foods of any kind. I don't care for cake, cookies (unless it is raw sugar-cookie dough - I like my raw cookie dough unencumbered with chocolate chips), heavy desserts. But man, I love, beyond all imagining, candy!

Unlike my mother and many, many others, I am not a chocholic. I tolerate chocolate, and occasionally like it as a part of something specific (chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate covered pretzels). I will never eat a Hersey's Bar for two big reasons: it is shit chocolate and it is heartlessly boring. Any true chocolate connoisseur would thumb his or her nose at the Hershey franchise, followed by almost anything on the supermarket shelf names. Chocolates that are of intermediate quality would be in the Cadbury range. Your better chocolates are Lindt, for example. Godiva? Yawn...

But my specialty is the serious cane. Chewy, hard, soft, whatever, I love that. My favourites include Smarties, Wacky Wafers (which I miss), Starburst, things like that. I try as many different ones as I can. I enjoy sweet flavours and I enjoy sour, as well. But of all the candies out there, none can compare with the wonderful, gourmet world of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans.

You may poo-poo the idea of gourmet jelly beans but if you do, then it is terribly apparent that you have not tried Jelly Bellies. When I say gourmet, I mean it. Imagine the pear Jelly Belly. One tiny perfect pale green bean with small grey/black spots that weighs less than an ounce gives your mouth the perfect bite of an Bartlett pear with excellent, mouth-watering flavour.

Think of how good a truly foamy, strong cup of cappuccino tastes; eat the cappuccino Jelly Belly, and you are in the café of your choice, sipping that strong coffee.

Imagine yourself at the movies, strapping on the ol' feedbag of richly buttered popcorn. How about a beautifully ripe banana or a pink grapefruit for breakfast? Maybe a mix to truly bring out the best flavours:

Put together a boysenberry or strawberry jam with a peanut butter Jelly Belly (back when they still had the peanut butter flavour) and you just created the peanut butter sandwich. Or a good mix of the piña coladapineapple and coconut for that perfect tropical drink. Add banana with vanilla and strawberry shortcake and chocolate pudding gives you a delicious Banana Split!

When is the last time you could do that with any other jelly bean? Of course not! Jelly beans were never much until Jelly Bellies dame along!


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