In the blogging world, November is the Month of NaBloPoMo, or a sort of "a blog a day" contest, writing, exposè, whatever. I like the concept and did some looking at a blogging site BlogHer (www.blogher.com) and immediately realised that while I won't have any problem trying my hand at posting every day for a month come November 2015, that this is not how I want to get back into blogging right now.
The other difference I twigged onto immediately is that everyone engaged in this site is into blogging as a way to make money. I will never blog for that reason. I know that there are the odd cases out there of one-hit wonders and over-night successes in the blogging world and that maybe, just maybe, mine could suddenly come into some sort of big, very short-term, momentary fame. If it happens? Well, one thing I know is that while it may seem like a blessing at first, it will all-too-quickly pall. And it will truly ruin writing for me. I am not looking to supplement my income, I'm not looking in any way, shape, or form for fame. If anything, fame is the last thing I would want. I know that the personalities that often getting into the performing arts of any kind are those that would bask in the accolades, but I like having the choice to make my life as private - or as not - as I wish. And I certainly don't want to ruin what is essentially a healthy outlet for different things: the usual mishmash of kudos, compliments, complaints, etc..
Here my relationship with my cousin Renée comes to the fore again, as many, many years ago, she showed me what a blog is. We were at my aunt Toby's house and she logged into her page on their computer and showed me hers on the blog site WordPress. So in 2002 (I think) I saw my first blog.
I will admit that a long time when by before I decided to accept my fate as a blogger and finally created my own blogger, through Blogger.com, in the autumn of 2005. What tripped it? An article in People Magazine, about a forty-year-old virgin. I was incensed at the way she viewed the world, people, women who are sexually active (and I especially take offence to the idea that as an 18-year-old, I was far too "young" to become sexually active. Have you met high- and middle school girls lately? Or even in my day, the mid-80s? Shit, honey, there were girls whom I knew were sexually active at age 14, something I could never wrap my head around. And here is this fossil saying I'm lacking in morals for trying out something I was fully prepared and ready for!). We all have something that pushes us to try the new, strange, or unknown and that was mine.
So it was ironic that I called her via FaceTime on her husband Alex' computer (hello, Alex!) just a couple of days ago and she was stressing about being so busy. I was shire her days of taking classes were over, so I asked what was keeping her so busy now? She has a (new) blog and is making a go of more professional writing. And here I will say something I rarely admit to anyone - both because it is truly a gift to be able to write, and who wants to create the swelled ego that can destroy so delightful a talent: SHE IS AN EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT WRITER!
Am I envious?
There was a time when I would have been and envy just about destroyed me. I was 19 when I learned, through very bitter experience, just how hurtful envy is to the bearer of it. And it took about a full year of working hard on excising those negative and destructive emotions, but thank you only 1,000,000,000 times to Sean Dwyer, who warned me verbally but it went through me, about this, to work it out. Ask Luis if I am the "jealous type". He will laugh and tell you he wishes I might be even a teensy bit that way. But I am not at all that way.
(Some day I will give the full text on this. Self-awareness demands it.)
Renée wrote a post on three women in high school who had an appearance on Queen Latifah's morning show (another woman I think very highly of), entitled They're Not Teens, They're Women ; Get Lit (http://geek-adjacent.com/2014/11/14/theyre-teens-theyre-women-get-lit). I read it, watched the video and commented on it: "Now, this... this required a few times of reading and watching it. They are truly incredible, wonderful, amazing women. (Yes, there is no question they are women and have been longer than most.) And to put that out - it is exceptional and needs to be shared. It is scary to think that there is a need to increase literacy, as we in this family are all avid readers, but clearly there is that need and it is out there.
I think we were more self-aware than others at our respective ages (two and a half years apart) because we were the abused in school. It made us tempered and different, even more so from our "peers", if one could truly consider them to be so. It gave us an earlier perspective on what it is to be belittled, spit on, looked down on. I went through a full three years of staggering abuse from the others - 8th grade through 10th - but came out clean on the other side, like Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption (one of my most favourite movies). while nothing can remove the pain that we went through during those times, I know - know - we left that part of our lives behind 10,000 times stronger than we went in to them.
Also, I see in myself that mild amount of Asperger's (as well any true Geek, and Geek-Adjacent) well knows. Look into it and see if you don't recognise yourself, but especially Luis (!) in there. I did immediately - although NOT from reading about it, but during a long conversation with Tom, my closet friend, whose son has severe Asperger's Syndrome. We may not be severe, but we had enough of it to make us stand out in the way we did. You were very lucky - I would have loved to go to your high school! Was it perfect? Who looks back on High School and thinks that?! No one. But was it better? Hell, yes.
Actually, you told me that story. On the subway. I've never forgotten it (given how disturbing it was, who would?). I will be interested to read that, too.
I love this post, too. Again, it is not easy to look back at these things. And it is easy to think we weren't self-aware, but I think we were, just not about all the things these women are."
Some things need to be put out there. Some things need to be known.
Thank you, Cuz, for putting this out there!