Tall Men, Cops and My Inner Light

I'm reading Madeleine L'Engle's A Ring of Endless Light. In one part, the writer, Vicky Austin, is describing Adam Eddington and shares that he has an inner light that comes on. And it shines brightly when he is excited about something. And maybe, just maybe, that is what people mean when I smile at them and they say, "You have a beautiful smile!"

I really don't. I have a gap between my two front teeth and yellowish teeth (or at least not white ones) and strips across them from where those evil braces were for eight years. That is a long story in and of itself, but suffice to say that while I no longer have the Bugs Bunny buck teeth, I am a showcase for braces gone wrong.

But when I smile, really smile (as I usually do), people never see that. I see it all the time, but like my parents I'm too close to the problem to see the same thing others see. And they really don't see all that - they see the light inside come on and shine brightly for them, because I love people.

I have my days. Sometimes I wake up in pain and then it is hard to get the light to come on. But when I am feeling good, then it is very easy. The light comes on for people I love: work people, squad people, home people... A different Jason once made the sweetest gesture by lightly touching my cheek - an the light was blinding. I'm an easy one for physical displays that are deep, meaningful and not sexual. It wasn't - it was kindness after a difficult day - and the whole day was worth it for that moment in time. This is something he wouldn't recall but I will even if I am 92 and doddering with age.

And on Monday, someone said to me, "Every light in Parsippany is green for you."

Personally, I thought what I did that brought that comment on was a very small thing - something to say thank you for putting your lives on the line for me - the Parsippany police are there on every call we go to. And I like to thank them the only way I can for it. But what was a small thing to me was a huge, wonderful thing to them, and we were all happy.

I know the light comes on for the police. Always. I love police officers. They may all have different reasons for being an officer later on, but none of them ever said that they just woke up one day and said, "I think I'll be a cop." It was something inside, something that they have always meant to be. As it should be... Being a police officer is a vocation, a calling, something you know you have to do. I'm not in Human Resources because I'm just doing a job. I knew nothing about it and had no idea what it was until I began doing it and then realised that this is what I'm meant to do. And as much as I have my flaws, I still hold that belief.

My light always shines for police. I have that soft spot for tall men and for police officers. If you are a tall police officer, look out! (Not really!) It's not the men in uniform thing, either, although I always say that. It's the job. Their job is to protect me. As an EMT, as Aislínge Kellogg, as Ash or as the Human Resources Manager, they are there to serve and protect me. What a job! What insanity. Cops see more of the downside of humanity than anyone should. How can I not thank them in some small way?

I felt this way before I became an EMT but once I started riding, then it became abundantly clear just how much we need the police. We really need the police.