How Much Does a Father-Figure Figure?


Taken straight out of one of the fourth season episodes of Sex & the City, it is a worthy question. I do love the show; but I cannot sympathise with the characters too much - I have a very healthy relationship and am not terminally dating or looking for that Mr. Right with the usual over-inflated expectations. But that is one title that needs to be mulled over.

One of the debates in that episode was whether or not the main character has issues with men because it is said that your relationship with your father will determine how you deal with men in the future... this was clearly aimed at women. I can't say how faulty that is. I love my father and have an excellent relationship with him. There is nothing unhealthy about it. We are friends and related and while that friendship never intrudes in our being father and daughter, it makes us unique. How many people have that closeness with their parents? But then there is the rather inconsequential but genetically significant fact that Ray is not my biological father. He is my father in every possible sense, but not that one. If you look at my relationship with Harry Trebilcox, the perpetrator of my existence... well. I should be a completely different person! I have my father issues thanks to that divorce but do I blame that on one person? My aunt hates men for the crimes of one... what a dopey thing that is. One man does not represent the entire gender any more than one woman.

Well, so where does that leave that theory? Hard to say. I see a lot of little similarities between Ray and Luis but not big ones. I don't think I am looking for a man like my father. I certainly don't gravitate toward his basic personality type - Ray is MUCH more laid back and non-confrontational than I am. I am terribly confrontational and one to get it all out in the open (just ask my embarrassed coworker!) and I hold few topics sacred or untouchable. Ask anyone I work with... someone was trying to make a point about changes being slow and using the metaphor of sacred cows. I responded, "I'm not terribly religious. I'd be more than happy to eat the sacred cows."

Truly you cannot take me anywhere.

But back to the father figure thing. Does that mean I should have an excellent relationship with Luis because I have an excellent relationship with Ray? Or am I supposed to be the man-hater, man-eating bitch because Harry and I have zero relationship and our few communications have been rather acrimonious?

Here's the kicker. I have an excellent relationship with Luis. He is my soulmate, my wonderful husband. He and I have our issues - who doesn't - but they are all annoying and liveable. We have a great life together. He understands me and accepts me and I understand and accept him. So I suppose right there I have answered the question... and pretty much the way the characters in Sex & the City did.

It's a crapshoot.

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