Living In the World, Not on It

Finally! Blogger loves me again and is allowing me to upload photos! I took this yesterday at the Balloon Festival in southwestern New Jersey. It was wonderful! There is a posting in progress about this but it will be a while in the making and some of these photos really should not be passed up or left waiting until I find the vast amounts of free-time needed to finish that Ash-type, detail-filled posting! This shot was taken on the way to work. Route 24 (not unlike CR-517 in Sussex County) has little pockets where the condensation of a cool night collects after a warm or hot day. I love the way that looks and so I snapped while zipping down the road at 0545 to work. Doesn't sound particularly safe, I know. But the shot was well worth it! My mother and Ray, taken at Chilton, hospital trip #1... circa 14 July or so. She'd managed to talk the staff into letting her take a shower. It's just a really cute picture, I think. I think anyone who has been to my blog will know which ...

Yes, Joe Autera, you made my blog. But then, working with you was one of the high points in my career. However, how much do you suck? You left me a message through the anonymous blogger comment thing, so I can't write you back without putting it on a fairly public board! You must have one very safe, totally harmless e-mail address where no one can find you (ha, ha) so I can actually write something that I wouldn't post. Get your mind out of the gutter, that's not what I mean. (Speaking of minds in the gutter, you are somewhere else in this blog, in another posting, but it would be a teensy bit embarrassing if you found that one. Good thing that wasn't it!) What I mean is, oh, the stories I could tell you! But not on this. So yes, you made my blog. And you will again, undoubtedly. Still, drop me an actual line, please! I don't know where to find you! (Which reminds me, how'd you find me?! Then again... maybe I don't want to know!) You can ICQ me if you make s...

Bet you are wondering what that means! This weekend was interesting! We went to a balloon show yesterday - a hot air balloon show, and walked around and saw a concert and then went to see the dusk balloon launching - 125 hot air balloons all wafting into the air! Different colours, shapes, sizes - it was amazing! We had a wonderful time! The band was called Jimmy and the Parrots and they were very good and a whole lot of fun. They did mostly if not all covers and a nice job, too - some of the southern rock but also the Beatles, Van Morrison, songs like "Runaround Sue" and "Brown Eyed Girl", songs that I love. They bounced on the stage and it was obvious - despite the incredible heat - that they were just having a blast! It is infectiouly fun to watch people having such a good time and really enjoying themselves! It perked me right up as I was really feeling the stultifying heat. It was in the high 90s yesterday and while it was humid, it wasn't too bad.

Sometimes there is just too much stress. Ma ended up in the hospital again, this time in Morristown Memorial. She's still there but things seem to have improved dramatically. Still, it's 8 days now and it's been a long, stressful time. I put her there, too. I have zero regrets about that decision as this could have well killed her if I hadn't done that. It's a long story... She was in Chilton Hospital for 8 days after having seizures, from 9 - 16 July. She was released, came home, and was having a lot of difficulty because she was urinating a lot, and getting in and out of bed and moving around wasn't easy. Add to that the drugs she'd been put on for the seizures (Dilantin and phenobarbitol) and she was tired and sleeping all the time (when not urinating). So it was not a happy combination. And the day she came home or maybe the day after, she tripped over one of the dogs they were babysitting and fell on the safe , potentially breaking some ribs. And when s...

Well, trip #2 of the root canal saga has come to a close. I don't have the energy to write heaps about it but I was amused and completely aware of what Dr. Feredjian meant when he asked his assistant if there was a lot of "tomato". I said, "Yes. You don't really think I have no idea what you mean?" He laughed at that. Of course there is a lot of tomato. My gums bleed if you roust out the tooth and then whittle it down to a little teeny nub. In fact, while mine may bleed more , I'm sure ANYONE'S gum under that kind of duress bleeds at least a little! Unbelievable. But I was amused none-the-less. As if I wouldn't know exactly what he was referring to. It wasn't painful and he numbed the gum anyway, but it's throbbing a bit now and I have admittedly had a long day. But oh, that touch. And then I recieved a wonderful compliment, too! Life is sweet.

People are wonderful and so is human contact! Someone at work was walking by me and as he passed, reached out and touched my face. Just a gentle, reassuring, nice touch. It was the most delightful thing, and it made me happy. Deleriously happy. This is love. People who work well together, enjoy working together, feel comfortable and happy and want to be warm and fuzzy. I don't mean stressful, romantic love. I mean just regular, unstressful love; love the way it should be but no one seems to feel. Does that make sense? I'm in love with Luis. It is a wonderful warm rewarding relationship and it takes work and effort and the rewards are obviously well worth it. But romantic love (or sexual love or however you want to phrase it) is a working thing and requires a lot of effort. Friendship love, just love (not to say just as though to downplay it but to take out that element of stress) is so different. And this was just a plain, very simple, loving gesture that did more for me than ...

"So that life is more important." Very true. And let's face it, when we are torn apart due to a death, it is for ourselves that we cry. Mostly. Sometimes I cry thinking of the sunsets that this person won't see; the baby s/he won't hold in her/his arms... things like that. But mostly I am thinking of how my life will have a hole in it without that person. This is going to be a broad, topicless posting, so beware. Anyway, there are holes still in my life from people who have left it. My grandfather, Talon, Steve, Lee, others who came into my life either at conception or later on and left it in a very permanent fashion. A lot of times, I will dream about that person shortly after s/he has died and then it is as though I have an opportunity to say goodbye. It's nice. It may be entirely manufactured by my mind. Or maybe it really is that person reaching out to say goodbye. Who knows. I'll take it. I'm not stupid enough to look that gift horse in the mouth,...

As you can see, I have not been posting much lately. Ma is still in the hospital, so that is really eating up any free time that I might have had. I'm really tired, too. Tired and stressed and not really eating right or getting a lot done... I'm very distracted by this. Well, one of my coworkers came in to my office this morning and gave me the biggest, most wonderful hug. And I needed it. I love human contact as a general rule and am happy to shake hands or hug people or just be close. But now, more than usual, I need that feeling. I'm distressed and not sleeping well and this thing is just constantly on my mind. But for just a tiny fraction of time, this person made me feel great. Like I mattered. Like it wasn't just me moving through a fog... Well, it was delightful. The best hug ever.

07.08.2006; 23:36 Not exactly how I'd planned out my weekend. Lazy moments in the hammock; cleaning up the house; relaxing and reading whatever favourite book I'm into; listening to music, a super-important item in my life. Some down time and some (chuckle) up-time with my main man... However, as I like to say often, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans..." My mother was having some... difficulties on Friday evening. Apparently she had two minor siezures that evening and did not mention it to Ray until after the first one passed, saying he should bring her to Morristown Memorial. While I would admittedly feel a lot better about her being in Mo'town's care rather than Chilton's, the Wayne FAS was not about to endure a trip to Mo'town, that far out of the way. And after she had a fairly bad seizure in the rig, well, she felt better about me directing Ray to call 9-1-1. Luis and I threw on clothes (what are you thinking? Do these t...

I LOVE these things: WHO ARE YOU? 1. FIRST NAME ? Aislínge 2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No 3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday, at the end of "Cars" - Joe Ranft died in 2005 (Pixar showed every character he's voiced) 4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I love it, although there is always need to improve 5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Rosemary [smoked] ham This is missing a Question #6... that's how I got it! 7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, definitely! 8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, this is it 9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Too often. Sometimes I need to watch myself 10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ? Yes, and my appendix, too. 11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I would try reverse bungee jumping 12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cheerios 13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Always 14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, no; personality/psychologically, yes 15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pastacio - wi...