Walking Them to the Grave

I had written that I would make a great Grim Reaper. And the thing is, I probably would. But tonight I was the Grim Reaper, very likely, for a life not yet born.

Our patient was six and a half months pregnant with a poor history in this area. Four miscarriages and zero successful births is not a positive history. The likelihood is that she was in labour when we got to the apartment at 2108 and the outcome is not too high in the good area. At approximately 22 weeks, there is not a very good chance for survival, especially due to the underdevelopment of the lungs. Is there a chance that the fetus could survive? Yes, but it is not an especially high one. The first three miscarriages were inside of the first trimester but the fourth was well into the fifth month, a stillborn.

That is a hard one. The fact is that all the sirens and fast driving in the world would not make a difference. We got the patient there and up to the right place and the matter went into the hands of the hospital but even they cannot do miracles all the time.

It is just 0359 so this won't be long. I guess my question is at what point do you give up on this and say to yourself that this is one thing I cannot do? What other routes can I take to motherhood? Can I adopt a child? Or do you keep setting yourself up for physical and emotional failure by continually trying for a natural birth and missing the mark?

I don't know.