Friday, 30 November 2007

Five Surprising Symptoms of Infidelity

An article for everyone, and anyone can write an article, no matter how unqulaified you may be. This author seems particularly clueless... about his own gender! Check this out:

Everybody thinks they can spot a cheater a mile away. Adulterers, after all, have the same characteristics, right? Wandering eyes, secret cell phones, last name Sheen. If only it were that easy.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where people fall out of their fidelity flight patterns and take off on their own different courses all the time, even though we desperately want to believe that our partners won't be unfaithful. That's why it's important to know some of the traits and sneaky signals that are common in people who tend to be unfaithful in the relationships.

OK, I disagree with this. Already! Of course this is a "trait", in fact, it is built into the human genome. Fidelity and marriage are manmade concepts... not sure how the church got involved with this one, really - limited people to marriage and only being with one person. How the church viewed this as being in their favour I do not know.

The simple fact is that genetically, humans are meant to sleep around and spread those genes far and wide. Survival of the fittest, you know - and the most active. While we may have formed family units as a way to secure a stronger sense of survival, it is still in us to spread the genes about to the non-husband or wife.

Now, I'm not suggesting you automatically end your relationship if your partner falls into one of these categories, but I do think that these are some signs you should be aware of - so you can be on the lookout for warnings of wandering.

Cheating Sign #1: He Doesn't Pay His Bills On Time
Some research shows that unreliability and carelessness is part of a personality trait called "low consciousness," which is a marker for infidelity. Makes sense. A guy who's careless about his own responsibilities is going to be just as careless about his relationships.

Wow. How completely irresponsible. That's it, you know, we are all cheaters. Most of us are terrible with our own mony or just sometimes let a bill slip here or there. Cause that never happens, right?

Cheating Sign #2: He's A Do-Gooder
What? Your guy contributes to the local orchestra fund, the church, and the alumni association, plus he volunteers to build houses for the homeless. How could a guy like that give into the temptation of midnight motel rooms?

A study just published in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology found that when there's a blurry line between right and wrong (as there often is with matters of infidelity), the people who become the worst cheaters are actually the ones who think of themselves as having the highest moral standards.

Why? The speculation is that these people can justify their wrongdoings with explanations that they weren't doing anything wrong at all. Simply put, not following the Monogamy Rules (a faithfully popular Men's Health story) makes it hard for the Do-Gooder to live in his skin.

How does anyone draw these conclusions? People who do good things for others may still be self-destructive or not... one does not engender the other nor preclude it. This is strange thinking. Monogamy is still - ultimately - a manmade concept. The sooner we become more forgiving about this, the better things will be.

I consider myself to be a person of "flexible morality", as I call it. I understand people who "cheat", although I hate that term, and I don't hold a one-time thing against anyone. I do hold an ongoing relationship with someone when you have made a commitment to another is wrong. It is even more wrong if the person having the two relationships is stringing the second person along with promises of divorce from the first incumbent to marry the second when this is not in the plans at all.

Cheating Sign #3: He's Rolling In The Dough
A study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that those people who earned more money were more likely to cheat than those who earned less. It's not because they have more income to open new credit cards, carry more cash, or spend more coin on mistress gifts. Some researchers theorize that those with lower salaries - and thus those who are more dependent on others in a relationship - are less likely to risk ruining the relationship.

Wow, interesting theory. My theory on wealthy men stepping out has nothing to do with safety - safety is only found is two married people having affairs with each other. As long they each understand the parameters of the relationship, this is okay. Marriage that need not be ruined over this keeps the two people in line. That, and an understand that this is not an emotional relationship. Should that happen, time to terminate the relationship and move on.

No, when it comes to wealthy men cheating, and I do agree that they are much more prone to it, it has to do with power and (secondary and not always the case) marrying too young and/or for the wrong reasons. People who do not wish to be married to each other are certainly more likely to engage in have outside relationships. And power - do I need to explain that?

Cheating Sign #4: He's A Yeller
While yelling and anger may not seem to be all that connected to cheating, a recent Australian study found that unfaithful partners show many of the same personality characteristics as abusive ones. Those who are more likely to be abusive (verbally or physically) are simply more likely to be unfaithful. What's already bad has the potential of getting even worse.

Who comes up with this?

Cheating Sign #5: He's A Mirror Hog
Some research has shown that the single biggest trait of cheaters is-surprise, surprise-narcissism. These self-loving folks are so wrapped up in their own self-importance that they don't even consider the effect that cheating has on the other person. So what if I stray and have the occasional one-nightstand? I deserve to be happy. Have you seen these guns, baby! And, yes, this works both ways, as Men's Health explained in "6 Signs She's Ready to Stray." Perhaps all of this might leave the guys wishing they had read "The 50 Things She Wishes You Knew About Her."

Yikes. I don't believe that for a moment. Some people are nicissists. These are people you shouldn't date anyway. Annoying!

Know other symptoms and signs of infidelity? Please add your thoughts to this important discussion.

My thoughts are pretty clear on this. It is part of the human genome. It is unrealistic and unfair to expect that all people can live by a man-made concept all of the time. Sometimes wandering has to do with boredom; sometimes filling a need that is meglected in the permanent relationship; sometimes meeting that irresistable person who is willing; sometimes an unhappy relationship that is ending anyway; and a multitude of other reasons that have nothing to do with one personality type more than another. Get a grip, whoever wrote this article. You think you get it, but you really are just guessing.

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