This Year's Award Winners

Britney Spears & Eminem:

Who, combined, have written more books than they've read

Dr. Phil McGraw:

Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues

America's Oil Companies:

For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don't mix

Bill Gates:

For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession

The Editors of Maxim:

For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models

Jared:

Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one

That 300 Pound Guy:

Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights