A Comment to "A Wake"

Someone that I probably know sent this anonymously:

"Many people miss him too, its a shame though, that now, many have something "nice" to say.. things that should have been said when the dead were living."

I don't know if I had vented about the person who died, but I offered my kidney to him. I don't how much more I could've said to convey my feelings about him. But, this is food for thought.

Ever notice that? Somehow, anytime someone dies, suddenly everyone says all kinds of wonderful things that clearly they did not feel while that party was alive. It is the most common thing and so weird. I see it at every wake and funeral I've been to. Honestly if I felt that way about someone, I would not go to the event - unless it's out of obligation to someone else (like Luis... amazing what we'll put up with for our mates).

What makes us do that? Why is it we were okay if not outright wretched to someone when they're alive but they are dead and what...? Suddenly making brownie points with God? Getting in good with others? Making yourself feel better? Assuaging a guilty conscience? Who knows?

But it happens all the time.

When this person and I were alone, I told him that I enjoyed spending time with him. When we were with others, he'd tease me and I dish it right back out. I'm pleasant to those I work with but don't particularly care for. I'll probably say nice things at their wakes/funerals too (I'd like to say I hope no one else dies but no way to guarantee that - and I'd be an idiot to do so). I don't think I would make up good things to say about them, but everyone - whether I like them or not - has good qualities. And at a wake and/or a funeral, that is really all that anyone says.

I certainly hope anyone who comes to my wake (no funeral please, and an Irish wake is a must!) will joke about my foibles, make fun of me as they did to my face (we all tease each other) and points out whatever good qualities in their eyes that I had!

And, smile when you do it. Or I'll nag you from the spirit world!

Comments

Anonymous said…
The comment was meant to say that too many folks gush with good words when its too late. Its not against you. Too much gossip, too much snickering, too many rumors are kept alive, yet when someone dies, all that is said is what a good person they were. Too bad they were alive only to hear the bad things.
14 May 2008 at 21:26
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