Happy Valentine's Day (Almost)

In my paycheck there were a couple of interesting facts:

Did You Know...

• 73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27% are women
• about 1,000,000,000 Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest second card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.
• about 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets
• 15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day

OK. Let's examine these bullet points closely. I like Valentine's Day well enough. I even go through the effort to wear red and look feminine (not my normal M.O.). Granted that tomorrow I am off the hook for doing anything, really... My husband is in Georgia, so I can find something nice (and non-edible) during the week. Normally I would send him flowers and give him a heart-shaped box of chocolates. This year the flowers would be off (wrong day) and the chocolates would just be cruel. He is still eating so healthy and losing weight and it would be very thoughtless to get him something like candy.

Back to the bullet points. 73% of flowers are purchased by men... Why is it that the onus for gift-giving seems to fall upon the man? If a woman shows up empty-handed, it's OK. If a man shows up empty-handed, it is grounds for (in HR terms) immediate dismissal or possible physical termination. How did that happen? That seems rather unfair and a little lopsided. It is not unlike weddings - again showcasing the idea that women need to be the centre of the universe and the men, like the flowers and hors d'eouvres, are just a necessary accessory. Hmmm. Are women that self-centred? And how did we as a gender get to be this way?

I would classify that as a flaw - a really BIG flaw!

Apparently I am in that teeny little minority of 27% - I send Luis flowers. Not every year, but about every other year. He does a lot for me. Sending him something once in a while - and sometimes not on an "occasion" is a tiny thing to do for him.

Next bullet point: over a billion cards exchanged. Yikes. One or two people occasionally get Valentine's cards from me (usually pen friends, as my husband is not overly impressed by cards as far as I can tell), and not steadily at that. I only send funny ones, anyway, something that many people seem to frown upon. Personally, I would never ever send one of those hideous nicey-nice cards, except that not even Hallmark or Shoebox cards makes a funny one for weddings and funerals (and when more do you need to really laugh than when burying someone?)

Next bullet point. My cats have no need for more kitty toys, cat nip and there is not much else to do after that. But yet, people do this. Curious.

Last bullet point. 15% of women will send themselves flowers. Oh, oh, oh... this is the kind of thing that makes me embarrassed to be a woman! Is this how low your self-worth is to you? Are you so lacking that not having a man in your life does this to you? Where is your spine? Where is your id, your own value that you cannot be socially acceptable without a man in it or one who sends flowers? I am incensed. I have not always had a man around. Sure, now it is easy to say that but guess what - I said it back in between Joe and Tom and in between Tom and Luis and any other time I was single. It is not wonderful but I am still a whole person without a man in my life.

I met someone at the New York Renaissance Festival with whom I became really good friends. Eventually, however, the friendship went south. After listening to her for years whine endlessly about needing to be married and making it sound as though she would turn into a pumpkin at age 30 without a husband, I could not take it. We even ended up working at Miller Harness Company together - I got her a job in the Customer Service department there (I worked in Apparel Purchasing). So then every single day we had lunch together and it was always the same thing - discussing all her relationship difficulties. When we met she was with her long-time boyfriend, a truly awful looking and poorly behaved boor who wanted to be serviced with servicing her and then was out of bed like a shot to shower because he had an aversion to bodily fluids. I grant you, no one wants to sleep in the wet spot, but really, how insulting do you have to be?

She did break up with him and then developed a truly horrific crush on a very close friend of mine. The ensuing battles due to my friendship with this man were something out of a novel. It was beyond believable. And in the end, she went back to Mr. Boor. For their sakes' I hope they have both grown considerably but it scares me that they very likely have not... and may have even procreated - AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

In sixteen years of living with Luis, I have been happier than most people I know. Most marriages have come and gone during our time. And I wonder...

... how many did so because the man did not kowtow to his wife's insufferable ego? Or vice-versa...

Happy Valentine's Day!