New Math But Some Wrong Answers

Subject: New Math

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Smart, discreet married man + Smart, discreet married woman = Purely physical affair that doesn't interfere with the marriages!
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit and happily earned
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Married women live longer than their mates... and hide the bodies better...

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Hmmmm. That would be me. My relatives often have an overdeveloped interest in bugging younger people to make huge life-changing decisions to push you into a life you were not all that keen to have. I know at one such family event I finally snapped and asked why our nuptial situation should be a such great interest to them. It was a mini-tirade, nothing really massive, but yikes... suddenly no one was asking any more, "So, what are you two awaiting?" Good - how many ways do I need to say, "Bugger off!"
Stay the way that makes you happy!

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