Lots of Things

There's all kinds of things floating through my head...
How fat I looked in the "diva dancing" class. Two other extremely fit, attractive women... and me.
How much I enjoyed singing "American Pie" and "A Day in the Life" on the ride home from Classics Gym.
How much I want to wake up tomorrow with a great body.
How lovely the stars are.
How much I want to find some belly dancing music so I can practice at home and lose all this weight.
It's all jumbled around in there, knocking about. Mostly, it's me agonising over this hideously fat body. It isn't enough that my evil paternal grandmother bequeathed me one thing - her flabby, flapping upper arms - but then I have a "baby pouch" and never had a baby (a wonderful thing, but what's my excuse for looking like this? The worst thing is that when I don't have a mirror nearby, I forget that I am the big woman that I've become and really feel like a normal, slender person. And I'm not. I won't be without losing quite a lot of weight. I go do yoga once a week and now I do this dance class once a week, but the rest of the week nothing happens. I don't want to be this moosy person.
When I was a teen and a young woman, I had a great body - even better than my mother's for one reason - I have an ass (must be the Trebilcox side, as the Plachek side hasn't had one!). I was smokin' then, as they say. Now I have all sorts of extra weight. At my worst I was 210lbs; now I am at the lowest in a long time - around 168 or so - but I can't seem to get past that, to continue going down. I seem to be holding stable. Not that that isn't great, but I'm still a fat woman who looks awful when belly dancing.
OK. Enough of this. Tomorrow will be a new day and there will be other agonising things to think about.

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