The Road Less Traveled

My favourite phrase is "the road not taken", since it seems that there are often crossroads in our lives and there is, if not a fork, several paths to choose from. Do we look back and wonder if we took the right path? Sure, we do. And if someone tells that they never look back, don't believe them. As much as I go for a good, guilt-free existance, sometimes I wonder about the road not taken. It is the human condition. There will always be situations where you know definitively that you made the wrong choice. There will always be situations where you know that you absolutely made the right choice. And there will be situations where you won't know. Maybe for a short time, maybe forever. But the doubt and wonder will find you.

Well, one of my coworkers has a poster up in her office that reads, "Sometimes the road less traveled is the road less traveled for a reason". Jerry Seinfeld said it. He is right. In fact, I would venture to guess this to usually be the case. I had to laugh at that, but at the same time, it really caught my attention. Completely, fully. I have been thinking about it all week.

How many roads do I have that are less traveled? I have a few. Not many, since I am one to cogitate continously about things, good, bad or indifferent. I prefer to examine those various things in life that affect me and who can affect me more than... me? Let's face it, other people have an effect on me, but they are coming out with their own things, and I am reacting. But I am always doing things, saying things, thinking things... that at some point or another will have an effect on how other people view me, on events, on what I do next or how I feel or how someone else feels. That is a lot of responsibility. I find myself driving and shaking my head at SO many people. Why? Other people are the most inconsiderate drivers. In general, as a rule, I am not an inconsiderate driver. I make an effort not to tailgate people; not to cut people off; to not let that hideously rude person drive down the shoulder to get home faster. You don't like traffic? Move to Kentucky - they don't have any!

But I am not always a considerate driver... and isn't it amazing how I can mentally justify that? I try to not do that, but every so often, life just gets to me or (usually the case) I'm on autopilot and the crash sensor isn't working... so to speak. Ever get to work or get home and you can't recall anything about the trip home? Yes, I have been down that road. It's ugly... that should not happen. But it is just like taking a shower - it is all on autopilot...

Maybe that is a road I shouldn't take...

At any rate, now that I am forging a really positive relationship with my biological father, Harry, let's look at this. Talk about the road less traveled. We might never travel down this road at all had I not been lying in bed watching M. Night Shamalyan's "The Sixth Sense", and finally - finally - got the courage to write to Harry and tell him I would like to open a dialogue - no pressure, no strings, no expectations, but just to get some history. And look at how amazing a ride - a journey - this has been. (Thank you, M. Night Shamalyan!) I'm the road less traveled! Yes - look at it from his point of view. I can see his point of view in a positive and unbiased way now... at age 38, having done and seen enough to know that everyone has roads less traveled or not taken. Thinking about the options then, he felt at that time that this was the right path to take. The best possible road was to cut off all ties and head that direction. I doubt it was an easy decision. And he wrote that he regretted it and would I forgive him?

I wrote back that forgiveness was not what was needed. No forgiveness necessary. More importantly, no apologises needed. It was not a capital crime and I am not unhappy with my life as it turned out. And I understand giving up something at one point and then wondering or outright regretting it for a long time. I have my skeletons, my own dirty little secrets. Who doesn't? And so there really isn't anything to forgive or apologise for - now that the right road is being taken. At least we are not too late to go down this path!

So sometimes, it is a good thing to not just wonder about the road less traveled... but to actually summon up the courage to travel it.