A Bad Taste in My Mouth

It's funny, I'm so accustomed to having my name burned in effigy at my paid job that it is more than irritating, it is infuriating at the unpaid one.

Tonight was the voting night. I'll keep this short, because I can't go into a lot of detail, but of all the positions that came up, none were met with the kind of flooded with floor votes as the one with which my name came up. Oh, I know, just looking for the excitement, but amazingly, it was really only that one. Let's be honest... it was obvious to me and to anyone else present that this was not mere inciting a bit of excitement that was the catalyst. It was my name and how odious a choice I would be. If the flood of other names hadn't all come in the same breath as the first, I would not have gotten as bent out of shape as I was. And I was. I was livid.

I am a huge believer in the 24 hour rule, which is to not say anything at all until 24 hours has elapsed, so as not to allow anger to dominate the conversation. And it is extraordinarily effective. By the time I wake up tomorrow I will feel better about this. But right now, in this moment, so short a time after such a desultory approach to all of this, I am pissed.

I admire people who are honest. If this individual had come up to me privately and said, "I don't feel comfortable with you doing this job" or something, well, I can respect that. I must say, I made no bones when I put in that person as a nominee for something else, that I made the comment that I (personally) and the committee as a whole felt good about this nomination. Wow. I don't expect that person to feel that way by any means about me, but to make such a public and obvious objection without actually just saying it in front of all the members that I shouldn't accept this nomination. It was embarrassing and extremely humiliating to have my lack of popularity so publicly made.

I'm torn. I said I would do it because I wanted to do it again and make a better showing. The other candidate who wittingly or unwittingly made me feel completely unwanted made the commented of just wanting to see people in those positions because they really wanted to do this for the squad.

Well. I was that person. There are a lot of perfectly good, qualified in all ways candidates who could have done this job in a walk. Gods know, all of their names came up - all in the same run-on sentence of almost begging someone else - any one else - to take this.

The likelihood is I will continue to want to be in this position, and show that I was the right person for the job. At this very moment, feeling angry as I do, I'm tempted to tell the powers that be that they can find someone on their own who might be qualified to do it. The biggest question? Will they accept?

I think not...