Stuff I Shouldn't Say...
It grates on my nerves all the time that many, many people on Facebook put their kid(s) image up as their identifier. Proof that the feeling of no identity as their own individual, to me. I know, many don't agree with me. But I see the proof everywhere.
Oddly enough, most of my age group have toddlers or small kids. I figured at age 40, most of them did their procreating years ago, and some have. Or else they are putting up really old pictures of their kids... but that seems unlikely. In any event, most people do give up their own identities when they have children and I find that sad.
I have a few select friends with kids. The reason I am still friendly with them is that they don't subscribe to that worldview - good thing. How unbelievably limiting it is to feel that you have to sacrifice that much of yourself to do this.
When Luis and I go to his company's event, all the wives do is talk about their kids. Except for two employees, neither of whom talk to one another, the rest have adult or close to adult kids. And yet, they have nothing else to talk about! Are you that insular? Is this the 1700s? How does this happen?
Seeing a large majority of the kids of Facebook members just cinches it that something - something negative - happens to people when they have children. It is not the childrens' fault - this is a misconception and a problem. Resentment builds up in people who are squashed in some way, and why wouldn't it? But this is a sacrifice that need not be made! Anyone with kids can still have an adult, individual life.
So why don't they?
Comments
I would say that as a parent sometimes maybe we do live a little through our children. There are certainly things about mine that I love, experiences they've had that I did not, etc. And sure, sometimes the sacrifices are great and alot of women who have children aren't really prepared for all that it entails. Others are really good parents. And some just fit it all in... career, marriage, kids, social activities, etc. etc. Uh, that last one would be my sister-in-law times 5. It's no wonder mumsie-in-law has never really valued or respected my choices because there is only her one superhuman overachieving perfect workhorse daughter to compare me too.
But also, I think it's because I have not given up
too many parts of my identity to become a wife, mother, and grandmother. I've managed to stay fun and quirky and not care so much about alot of things.
Anyway, where was I going with this??? Not at all sure. ;)
I have a page at CafeMom. Don't know why I subscribed in the first place but I guess because it was 'Mom' oriented I thought it would be a site I'd enjoy. I don't ever go there though. Just didn't get into it. However, I did initially post a picture of myself holding my preemie grandson hours after his birth as my display picture. Oops. Guilty!
Now that he's a little older... good goddess the handsome boy is 20 months now.... I don't see him as much since they moved out but I'm still his MIMI. We had him over tonight while his parents were at a basketball game. And for awhile we were down on the floor talking silly with him and rolling on the bed in the dark playing with a flashlight BUT we also took him to the bookstore. At 20 months most kids don't sit long enough to really do anything much for more than a couple minutes at a time so we didn't get much actual reading in. But taking him to Barnes and Noble was allowing my personality to still have it's way. I love bookstores!!
I guess if you don't have children and never had any desire to have them it's hard to interact with others who don't seem to have a big world view but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't have other stuff going on. I don't know that you should assume that just because at one company event where the wives talk only about their children that they have nothing else to chat about. They just choose to talk about the kids then. If you aren't friends with them on a daily basis then you just wouldn't know. I could have been at that event and chatting away about my kids with other Moms and might not have gotten to subjects like photography or philosophy or astrology or crafting or reading or blogging.
I have friends with and without children. We talk about all sorts of things. Including my kids and grandson. I guess the main topics just depend on what each person is into mostly though.
One friend I have has no children, boyfriend or husband, is a republican, knitting and painting are her hobbies and has never had her own apartment or house. You wouldn't think we'd have one single thing to chat about. But we met thru an astrology group, the only thing that connected us. She no longer belongs or comes to meetings but we remained friends and have managed to like each other alot despite all our major differences. And she asks how my kids are and how my husband is and sometime I talk at length about them. And if you and I were to get together, you'de probably have to see pictures and hear about them too. ;)
Yikes, it's late and I'm just rambling.
Goodnight Aislinge!