Who Are You to Judge?

An unfortunate aspect of life is that often the people who most need to question themselves don't, the people who most need to doubt their opinions don't, and the people who most need to respect the boundaries of others will intrusively invade and force their opinions whether we want them or not.

Criticizing others is not just an offensive move against them; it is also a defensive move to protect your own "purity." You need other people's faults in order to dodge your own. Stated simply, judgmental thinking is addicted to other people's faults or destructive behavior.

After a recent speaking engagement I received an email that accused me of blaming all societal problems on fundamental Christians because of how I used "cheap humor" to introduce my King James Version Mother. If you are receiving this article then you have heard me speak and are aware of the humor I use to connect with my audiences. You also know the love and respect I have for my King James Version, Bible believing, Baptist mother. If you've read my new book, Mum's The Word, you know it is a tribute to my Mother's child rearing skills and the lessons she taught me. And most importantly, if you have heard me speak, you know that I have always tried to acknowledge my own faith in God from the platform.

The irony... this email was written and sent by a minister at a fundamental Baptist church. After criticizing me and making inaccurate statements about me, he then went on to tell me of his exploits and the hundreds of people he has impacted. When I shared this person's email with my KJV Mom, she was quick to remind me that Jesus emphatically tells us in Matthew 7:1 to "judge not!" When you judge another person you are pushing aside your own faults and limitations. It is an arrogant illusion that anyone can size up someone’s entire life by hearing them speak for an hour.

I am simply saying, when a person comes out of their own set of assumptions, viewpoints and limitations, they cannot possibly deliver a final verdict about another's entire life.

"This threat can push people into a dualistic, black-or-white way of thinking in which one person is right and the other is not. Judgmental people need to place people in a category to make life more manageable for them." -Steve Gilliland

How often we have our labels in hand, our categories in mind and our stereotypes with us when we approach new people or situations. Differences between people can often be frightening. These differences can easily provoke anxiety, which is quickly perceived as a threat. This threat can push people into a dualistic, black-or-white way of thinking in which one person is right and the other is not. Judgmental people need to place people in a category to make life more manageable for them.

The judgments we hold about specific issues need to come from a larger context of care and love. While we cannot possibly feel the same towards all people, we are asked to act lovingly regardless of the level of affection we may or may not have toward them. Acting with love and being judgmental are mutually opposed to each other. Seeing the dignity beneath obnoxious behavior, recognizing the irreducible value of all people and caring for the person beneath the unfair ideas is an enormous challenge. Our only hope, in my estimation, is to regularly remind ourselves of the grace that has been given to us.