Tired...

I'm very tired.

I'm not sleeping well. I'm depressed and unhappy. I'm not used to being this depressed and unhappy. It is not like me to be in funk - not a week-long funk. Ariel has been gone one week. I don't cry as much as I used to, but I still cry. At least once a day, sometimes twice. I find myself getting choked up for seemingly no reason. It's awful. I cry on the cat. I cry in my car. I cry in my office.

The only saving grace to being me is that I'm easily distracted. People come to see me and I am thinking of the person and what they need. I don't tell too many people what happened. Once I got through Monday (people asking how my weekend was) it got a lot easier to deal with. No one asks about one's weekend on Tuesday. That is too long past. I'm not sure how that works but it does.

I have poison ivy on my arm. It's just two or three little pustules that will eventually go away, but it is annoying while I have it. I can't for the life of me figure out where I got it, though. What could I have been doing to be exposed to poison ivy? Well... no matter, I was exposed and it is annoying but it will go away.

I'm sitting here with my ears on, listening to Chelsea purr. By ears, I mean my stethescope. The purring is like a freight train. But it is a lovely happy sound. I used to do that to Ariel, too. If I felt sad about something, I would find one of my fuzzy babies and listen to the happy sound of purring through the stethescope. It is quite an amazing sound.

Comments

CrystalChick said…
One day at a time. Ariel was family and that loss has to be hard. Honor your feelings, and if you need to cry, then cry.
Thinking of you.
14 June 2008 at 22:51
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