Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Saturday Nine Meme

These memes are okay - no one is quite like Patrick's Place (he's Patrick Phillips and does the Saturday Six and the Sunday Seven. But this one can be good sometimes.

Saturday 9: Looking for a Love

1. When you were single, or if you are single, what's the best way to look for love? I always found love when I wasn't looking, wasn't making a conscious effort. As a result I never worry about being alone. For so many women, this is a huge phobia of theirs.

2. Have you ever cruised online personals, even if you're married for fun? What was the reason, or if you haven't, why not? Why would I? I've been with Luis for over 21 years. What could the personals possibly mean to me? Not to mention that this would not be an avenue that I would use to find someone. I wouldn't look.

3. Have you ever put up an online personal? If so, how was your experience? No.

4. Have you ever answered an online personal? If so, how did it turn out? No.

5. Have you ever had a good experience with online dating? If not, have you had a friend/family member have a good experience? Tell us about it! We have a close friend who worked and worked and worked to make his company successful. He woke up one morning at age 35 and realised he wants to get married, have children, etc. So he signed up first with Matchmaker.com, then with Match.com. He dated many, many women; a multitude of first dates, some with second dates, a handful of third dates, and maybe four or five women made it past third dates. It took five years, a flow chart and so many dates and e-mail correspondences to find the woman he married and they have a five-year old son now.

The truth is that these sites can work, but they don't work overnight - they never do. And this is normally where it falls apart. Women especially are looking for the instant magic. Many women think they devalue at age 30. Then they put it into overdrive and make men crazy. I knew someone like that (granted, she was the extreme) and it wasn't pretty. It was terrible to see someone who has no self-esteem without a mate. If you are not complete as you, having a man won't fix that. You need to be complete as yourself, not as a couple only. Look at Eat, Pray, Love - that is the lesson there.

6. Have you ever had a horrible experience with online dating? If not, someone else? Well, the same friend that eventually married and has a son has some really bad experiences through the same avenues. He would come over and describe the fiasco dates as well as the good dates and really, there were some doozies.

It seems that men lie about three things: hairline, income and status (i.e. what they want out of the online dating experience) and women lie about three things: weight, height and... and... I never remember what the third thing is. I'll have to ask my friend. But lying always ends up killing it. One woman that he brought over to meet us
absolutely lied about her weight. One of her legs was my torso (and I am not a skinny woman by any means) but her profile gave her weight as 200lbs. I stood up, displayed my body and told him I'm 180 - there is NO WAY she is only 200lbs. Maybe 15 years ago but not now. She was closer to 300lbs as she had a good two inches on our friend...

7. Back in 2004, a friend threw her husband out because she found out that he was having cyber affairs/sex with 2 women in states FAR away from them. Do you think that cybersex is actually cheating? How ironic. My husband asked me today after seeing something about "sexting" on C-net if I thought that was cheating. I scoffed and said no. I classify cyber-sex the same way. Men are very different creatures, wired in a very different way when it comes to human sexuality. Accept it and allow it and nothing will come of the sexting and cyber-sex. Of course if you stop having sex, don't blame him when he goes looking for it elsewhere.

8. Do you have any suggestions for someone as to how to stay safe using a dating service? First dates should be somewhere public and floodlit. No bringing someone home for many dates - not until you have established a relationship with a high level of trust. A lot of dates my friend went on did not involve picking him or her up, but meeting at public places. No home address stuff.

9. I've heard someone say, “There's Match.com and then there's everyone else." Is this true in your experience or someone you know? I only have my friend's experience. I don't recall if it was Match.com or if it was Matchmaker.com that brought him to his wife. But it was five years and a mountain of effort. And relationships are all work - from beginning to end.

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